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I am Singaporean V – Kopitiam Konspiracies November 23, 2006

Posted by The Truth in I am Singaporean, Vol. I.

So Mr. SDP has been sent to the slammer. AGAIN.

What makes this man tick? After years and years of being fixed slapped with lawsuits from Lees Jr. and Snr., one would have thought that he should just smuggle himself out to maybe the UK or something. You know…pay a human-trafficking organisation 10,000 bucks for a ticket to anywhere in the world, but if something goes wrong, you’ll be selling your kar chng in the Bong-Bong Hotel in Patpong…’500 baht! Me love you long time!’

Sounds familiar?

Anyway. Of course there’s a lot of kopitiam talk about this lah…just like there’s kopitiam talk about everything under the Sun. GST hike la, elections la, which kopitiam laksa tok kong la, where you can find mee siam with hum la, and so on, and so forth. But as the thinking people we are (see previous chapter,) we also talk about conspiracies.

For example, the idea that Mr. SDP is actually someone in the payroll of the PAP to discredit the opposition. I mean, that’s perfectly plausible…how come he hasn’t been detained indefinitely? Something must be wrong right…i mean, of course, we can’t talk cock about anything else because of the following:

  1. We don’t have secret UFO bases or government agencies working hand-in-hand with extraterrestrials. (I mean, you can’t use aliens because foreign talent are everywhere)
  2. We don’t have nuclear silos which the US wants us to shut down
  3. We don’t perform human experimentation with government scientists formulating all sorts of weird diseases to unleash upon the unsuspecting populace (unless you consider the Defamatory Lawsuit Phobia)
  4. There aren’t horrendous genetic experiments being carried out in Singapore (unless you suspect BioPolis)
  5. We didn’t try to make the RSS Dauntless disappear à la the Philadelphia Experiment
  6. There’s no Area 51…but maybe will have District 51 soon.

Yeah…so got to talk about this kind of wu liao things lor. But seriously, would we be very surprised if Mr. SDP WAS in fact someone paid by the Government? I know i wouldn’t be. I mean, although he has exposed much of the flaws of the system (like his farcical court trial where it became clear that the judiciary was part of politics after all, so when it comes to politics, you can expect to go to jail, do not pass ‘GO,’ do not collect $200.) But he may just be an extreme form of mr brown, who gets it all the time so that we will stay well-behaved.

Aiyah…it’s just a kopitiam theory lah…don’t tell me you want to install listening bugs at the kopitiam, so you can scramble cops to arrest the people for political dissent where in some lift in some HDB block some old lady gets robbed because the police weren’t monitoring the cameras but the listening bugs.

On the other hand, like that can increase government income. Every time we say ‘lah’ you can send us a $10 summons…So when we say ‘Wah lao…last time say ‘lah’ dio $10 summan’ you can send us another 3 summons. Like that, win already!



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