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The Mate Debate August 8, 2006

Posted by The Truth in Im Allgemeinen.
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DISCLAIMER: This is mainly fictitious. Read it with a pinch of salt (or a bottleful if you must.) This entry is based on Central 6’s blog, Kill is Love.

I’ve been hearing lately about people talking about girls who club. What’s up with that already, you all may be thinking…well here’s the deal.

Are girls who club reliable?

Now, if you’re those people who think of reliable as in a ‘reliably good slime target/kisser when drunk/fuck buddy,’ go and hump a tree. Seriously. I mean reliable as in ‘knowing where her heart belongs and reserving her lips/tongue/downunder/(insert body part here) just.for.you.and.no.fucking.body.else’ kind of reliable. I mean, come on, guys. Doesn’t that question cross your minds everytime your girlfriend sends you a message saying ‘i’m clubbing tonight with the girls! Fetch me later okie? :-)’ and stuff?

I mean, my missus complains that i club like a crazy wanker (when actually i’m dead sober and could perform calculus for you if you wanted me to,) so i guess she may be having some deep-seated fear that i’ll actually be sliming some girl on the dancefloor or trying to give my tongue some wrestling practice. The simple fact is that i don’t, and i don’t expect her to do that too. It all boils down to simple trust, my dear audience. You have to trust your girlfriend not to get too much action on the dancefloor, and similarly, you must be worthy of the trust she gives you.

It’s difficult, especially when your girlfriend is hot and she and her gal-pals are surrounded by a group of testosterone-and-alcohol-fuelled guys which incidentally doesn’t happen to be you and your dudes. Which happens to apply in the case of the missus (so fuck off, you green-eyed sillies) but yeah well, i trust her (and her girlfriends) enough such that i don’t have to be there too…because no, when your girlfriend says that she’s going to dance with her girlies, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want to dance with you. Give her some room yo.

But then again, if you’re a clubber, i’m sure you’d wish yourself a girlfriend who clubs occasionally, has some pretty damned wicked moves on the dancefloor, had guys salivating over her (to boost your own ego,) and could drink like a fish (or drink sufficiently not to get totally wasted.) But THAT’S FOR CLUBBING NIGHTS ONLY, so you better consider other things about your 8th world wonder before taking the plunge. (For me, i’m satisfied and happy where i am so yeah.)

Why did i say that? Consider this following scenario:

You quarrel with her.

She calls up her girlfriends (whom you know can be BAD NEWS in capital letters sometimes) for a clubbing outing. And you must bear with me now, because this is not going to be very nice.

So she gets totally sloshed on the dancefloor (because obviously she’s depressed, upset and you’re not invited) and she could run into an old flame, and they talk about what a fuckass you are, and seeing as how alcohol loosens tongues and morals sometimes…yes it’s an aphrodisiac in the right amounts…which are either 2 glasses of wine or half a bottle of vodka, depending if you want someone who is feeling amorous or someone who’s not feeling anything at all…SO YES COMING BACK SMOOTHLY, they talk about what a fuckass you are.And suddenly his shoulder seems like an ideal parking spot for her head…AND THE REST IS HISTORY.

SOUND FAMILIAR?

Think about it, if you will. Don’t forget that bottle of salt, although too much isn’t good for your blood pressure.

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