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Ausgesprochen Unausgesprochen July 19, 2006

Posted by The Truth in Im Allgemeinen.

Es gibt vieles, die ich euch erzählen würde, wenn ich die Worter finden könnte.

So OBS is over. I think it brought out the best and the worst in me…although the best and worst normally appear in seperate cases under different circumstances, which normally aren’t accurate reflections of what i truly am. It seems that i still can’t show the real me to people who i don’t know that well.

There’s the rubbish, coarse side of me in normal admin time, which is when we were having our nightly (sogenannte) bonding sessions where the words flowed and we started to learn and discover much about each other. It’s hypocritical, isn’t it, when i accuse people like tat and kandy about being un-nice when actually i could be that much more sensitive to the feelings of others? When i started to forget that this wasn’t the fucking Army, and sometimes when the vulgarities seemed to flow like a river?

There’s also the happy-go-lucky, let’s-try-everything-once daredevil who walked a tightrope, reciting why he hated secondary school and loved JC, and shouting out his rank, name, and NRIC. There’s also the jukebox who sang so many retro and Army songs on a kayak to keep everyone entertained and their spirits up. There’s also the person who felt inferior when everyone began talking about what they did in JC, what they did in council, et cetera. Yes, i felt inferior. I felt inadequate. I wondered, what on Earth was i doing in JC?!

Not that i regretted any single moment of it. It was a magical time.

There’s also the never-give-up person who put the topmost rung of the dangling duo as the target and who pushed on, despite the exhaustion and the muscle strain. There’s also the ex-Artillery officer who egged everyone on while we were bashing up the hill. There’s the impatient person who just wants to get everything over and done with, decisive and cold. There’s the person who kept the belaying rope as tight as possible so that those up there would feel as confident and safe as possible. There’s the person who was all rah-rah, shouting encouragement and keeping people talking so that they’d dare to take the first step.

There was the person who gave requests like orders, who took charge immediately and who led with all the confidence of the world. There was the person who shouldered 4 groundsheets and still did recce (good one, K. We make a good team.) There was the person who shared honest opinions under the stars with Dean and the watch, not knowing if anyone would take him seriously. There was the pragmatic, slightly jaded soul amongst a sea of idealistic, youthful and bright people. There’s the person who stood up and said whatever he thought. There’s the person who sang Chinese songs in the shower.

There’s the laughing guy in the quarry, enjoying the fresh water and the beautiful company. There’s the person who couldn’t see Scorpio in the skies. (pam, i’ll tell you when i see it one day.) There’s the person who went around giving everyone mosquito coils like the next Hello Kitty giveaway. There’s the person who tried to knock down the walls people build instinctively with strangers through dumb jokes. There’s the person who thought about her at night, wondering if she ever thought of me. Es gab auch die Person, die sich Sorgen über eine Beziehung machte, in der zwei Menschen eine Entfernung von 10,000 Kilometern versuchen müssten, es zu schaffen.

Das bin ich. Ich bin ich. Wir sind wir. Well done, Washington. I’m proud to have been with you. I am happy and sad, better and worse, apologetic but having no deep regrets, with you but lonely. I am all of that, and i probably wouldn’t be able to tell you more.

If we proved one thing, we proved this:

Was wir alleine nicht schaffen, das schaffen wir eben dann zusammen.



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