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Spiak Good Engrand v.s. Speak Good English June 17, 2006

Posted by The Truth in Im Allgemeinen.
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mrbrown, if you ever find this blog, yes, i was inspired by the PodCast…

WARNING: Coarse language ahead. Avoid if you find it offensive, or are linguistically conservative.

Coming back to topic, if you read (and understood) the mixed Deutsch-English ranting to our Education Minister, you will probably understand my outrage. Of course, i always try to zhng my English whenever i blog (dies gilt auch beim Deutsch) because got international appeal la…but when topics like this come close to home…hmmm i wonder. Indeed, perfect Queen's English (which probably doesn't exist, how about Cockney?) as an ersatz for Singlish? Very hard to imagine indeed…where will all our local flavour go?

Example 1. Kopitiam talk.

Now: 'zui ar! Teh-O bua sio, Mahbolo soft pack!!'

Future: 'May i have some of that delicious tea you have, without any milk, please, and not to hot, but not too cold. Oh, i'll have a packet of Marrrrlboro fags, please? And do you have biscuits?'

Example 2. NS talk-cock.

Now: 'lan eh. CO dat chao jibai…kanina donno anything still wanna hiong. Lim peh 7 early 8 early must go and do sai kang oreddy. And he only can come and kong sar kong si. ninabei lar…eh, wu hoon bo?'

Future: 'I can't stand our CO. He's a right bastard/fucker (depends on how much you hate him,) obviously he has no professional knowledge whatsoever, but he still wants to act as though he does! Look at us. We have to be up early in the morning to work, and he only drops by to talk about inconsequential things! Bollocks! Yes…Let's go for tea and biscuits, shall we?'

Example 3: Discovering you're in deep shit.

Now: 'kanina! hor kao kan liao!!'

Future: 'Oh dear, i do think we've got ourselves into quite the mess, innit?'

Example 4: Primary school children.

Now: 'I don'ch fwen u anymor liao loh!'

Future: 'I shall not befriend you anymore, kind sir, for you have infringed upon and betrayed my trust.'

Example 5: Ah Beng bragging session.

Now: 'Lim peh ka li kong, last nite i go Mohammed Sultan chiong, wah…sibei zuay chai lei! Den i go dance wif dis ang mor zabor, i tink she a bit seh already lar, but mebbe is i yandao, but anyway dance dance a bit can la ji oredi…wah…sibei song lar!'

Future: 'Guys, you so have to hear this. Last night i was at Mohammed Sultan dancing in a club and oh my goodness there were so many beautiful women, it was absolutely fantabulous! I got to dance with this Caucasian lady who was already a little drunk, or maybe she recognised my stirling qualities…but anyway, we danced a bit before we began making out…now THAT'S a night well spent, lads…'

Y'see, there are times where we can and should use proper, correct English. But there are also times when there isn't a need…and, if you can express whatever idea you want to bring across in as little words as possible (which is useful when you're excited or when you're recalling a particularly titillating experience,) wieso nicht?

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