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Zenith and Nadir May 24, 2006

Posted by The Truth in Im Allgemeinen.

Zenith: (arab.) highest point, a period of great advancement.

Nadir: (arab.) lowest point, a time of greatest adversity.

So there you have it. Zenith and nadir. I get the feeling like i've been varying between both a lot lately. But strangely there doesn't seem to be a transition. It's like i step into a teleporter and whoosh, there i am. There's so much to do, but i'm choosing to put things away for a couple days so i can go distract myself at the factory. Yes, take me away and make me sweat profusely, so that i can just bloody stop thinking about it for awhile. yang wee's brainteasers help some, but they just make me feel stupid sometimes (obviously, because some of his questions are very stupid too.)

But then again, it's good to be finally out and earning some dough. It's a heavenly feeling of satisfaction when the boss gives you 50 quid for your effort. Yosh. Makes all the sweating worth it. I don't know why, but it gives me a temporary high. And then when i come home facing a mountain's worth of application documents and ClubLife barang-barang, i feel like i've wasted a day. One day which could have been better spent trying to reduce the administrative work, but which was spent at the factory sweating, cursing and talking cock.

Sometimes i talk to people and bring about a self-induced nadir. People feel it, i suppose. Or maybe i'm thinking too much again. Perhaps it's my cross to bear, that i live battling the ghosts of the past, of things said and things done. I mean, it's like when i talk to samantha, or anyone i am close to, i tend to think too much and read too much into what people say. I know sometimes i can say really awful things. It's not something to be exactly proud of. I don't know what exactly caused me to be supersensitive (even if i'm still an insensitive barbarian at the wrong times) but it could be the many confrontations i've been having with someone.

They gave me insight, of that i'm sure. But they also made me very, very cautious. I spoke yesterday with her. I owned up. I told her everything, from how i have to think twice before even saying anything, about how things are always getting confrontational between us because of one word, et cetera. But then again, i didn't tell her everything. I know you read this, darling, that's why i'm not going to say what i didn't tell you yesterday morning.

I just don't know why i care so much now.

I just want to be carefree again.

Back to Khatib, anyone? 



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