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Translated: Anleitung zum Übermenschsein! May 1, 2006

Posted by The Truth in Im Allgemeinen.

Okay you all. Obviously you didn't understand that…so here it is, translated. I guess i was just too bored last night. HAHA…

1. Grow flowers!

Yes, you don't have to know just brutality and violence! Show your fans your other side – one who knows how to handle firearms and flowers is definitely one who is superhero material. The rule of the strong doesn't apply so much in today's context – what the crowd wants is not an Arnold Schwarzeneggar-esque man with bulging muscles and blond hair, but one who is also sensitive and human! Flowers and chocolate may move the average female heart, but there's also a huge range of items which we men think are insignificant, so, get to know the world of plants! You'll never know when you'll become the next object of desire…

2. Find a secret job!

The image of Rambo, with two belts of 7.62mm ammunition slung aroud his chest, with a machine-gun in the hand, is out. Sorry, but it's OUT. Also out are superheroes like Superman and Batman, who go on pointless foolish heroic acts which only cause them pain and suffering later. What's in is the anti-hero: Assassins, spies, a man on the run who's committed high treason, Interpol, et cetera. They are anonymous, and what's interesting is that they are amongst us – in the bus, in the trains, EVERYWHERE. Maybe they have a small business as a cover – maybe they own a butchery (haha – now you know why that meat tasted weird) or maybe they drive a cab – but their actual jobs and missions are secret. They plan everything very carefully – when, where, how, why, what. They have access to various forms of modern technology – phone bugs, sniper rifles, and much much more. They also have an inordinate amount of willpower – somehow, they don't seem to die! Don't look in the newspapers, but keep your ears open…you never know when you'll get your next contract. And that message may self-destruct in 5 seconds.

3. Learn how to lip read!

So you've completed your mission. But your lover was injured because of you and now she's lost the ability to talk. What will you do? Simple: You are going to rent 100 DVDs and watch them, but with the volume set to mute. Your newest mission is to find out what's going on by their lip movements! Your superhuman abilities and willpower will definitely see you succeed…eventually…because one day you will surprise her by making words and sentences out of her lip movements! Don't give up!

4. Have mercy on your enemies.

You aren't a merciless person. If your battlefield is that of love, maybe you should let your opponent get the upper hand. You can always make use of every opportunity to potong jalan her…yeah HELL YEAH…on the other hand, your audience is always apt to sigh when they see you, the Super Assassin, intentionally fail your most important mission to shoot the dictator of REDLAND (to use some military lingo) just because you saw his kids crawling aroud. One thing you should NEVER do however is to show mercy when your opponent is pointing a gun at your head. He'll shoot you.

5. Avenge yourself in style!

So now your lover was killed. You're angry and heartbroken, and you also know whodunit. So, avenge yourself! You'll need weapons – not the machine-guns and grenades of old, but silenced pistols. Go on, step purposefully into the headquarters of your enemy. Shoot carefully and slowly – count the bullets in your head. One miscalculation and you're dead. Find the boss who engineered the killing – surely he's been warned by you, so keep your eyes open. He'll have a gun aimed at you when you step in, but have no worries – he won't shoot you yet. You'll talk and find out the horrible truth…then the shooting begins. But you'll walk away from it, because you're a superhero!



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